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Archive for the ‘tech’ Category

Don’t hologram me, bro!

It’s in the way Anderson Cooper says “There we go” (at the :10 mark).

 

It’s this kind of outward excitement…

 

… coupled with this kind of intensity…

 

… tempered by the remnants of an internal appeal to this kind of “Network” integrity

 

And it’s probably why the heir apparent to Wolf Blitzer’s reign over the nothing if not humble “Best Political Team on Television” considered refreshing his resume.  Not since Star Trek’s debut in 1966 have we seen such impressive visual manipulation, complete with replica silver-fuzzy-static fade-in and complete dependency on the suspension of disbelief.

But even if Anderson is over the been-there-done-that-itude of the idea and the poverty of its execution, he’s still waking up today shamed by the egregiousness of its lack of necessity.  CNN has cameras; lots of them; and mosaic mural walls of TVs; and fully interactive iPhone-like screens that with a touch and a squeeze can show you who my New Jersey county voted for in the 2000 presidential election and whether I poured my milk in before or after my cereal on the morning of that November 7.  Yet, on arguably the most significant day in American history, CNN hologrammed will.i.am.  Can a cable news network jump the shark?

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Dell-uded.

Apparently, without Steven, the “Dude, you’re gettin a Dell!” guy, Dell has devolved into the kind of disappointment only a Dell employee could be contracted to love. My 700m is embarassing; techwoelogical. I won’t go into details, but I am deeply ashamed of it. Actually, I will go into details. Last night, I booted and to my surprise after having used it all day, my wireless driver was missing. Just gone. Actual error message:


A couple days ago, I pushed the power button a few times and nothing happened. I think I may have heard my board heckling me but Dell will neither confirm nor deny my suspicions until I renew my warranty. I have to make up excuses for this thing when people are around. When the battery dies after 10 minutes of standby, I say I forgot to change the power settings and it’s hibernating. And when it throws a tantrum, won’t boot and audibly mocks me, I say it’s a security mech, that I forgot to use the fingerprint reader (700ms don’t have fingerprint readers, by the way). I’m kind of like a parent faced with the realization that his child who dreams of being a track star is really a legless, dull-witted moron.

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