Posts Tagged ‘i am Costanza: Lord of the Idiots’

Yesterday, I heard that The Decider was staged to become The Author.

That’s right.  George is writing a book.  And it’s not just the rambling, seemingly unabridged thing we’ve gotten from huge political figures recently.  This book has a theme: the twelve difficult personal and political decisions he has made in his life.

Really, George?  Leak the story about publishing your top 12 now?  We’re about ankle high into an allegedly 100 feet deep recession.  Afghanistan and Pakistan are increasingly more like one tangled conflict-state than individual nations.  And now is the time to wax poetic and sow the seeds of love?


I also tripped across this throwback, thanks to Digg, that reminded me that in 1987, Tom Hanks and Dan Ackroyd rapped in a music video.  Let me repeat that.  Tom Hanks, and Dan Ackroyd, rapped, in a music video.

What does this all mean?

It means limitations be damned.  Bush is writing a book and Tom Hanks and Dan Ackroyd got paid to rap. So, obviously, I’ve been playing life shorthanded and too safe.  I’ve been doing too much risk management.  So I’m going to do one of those 101 in 1001 day list things and create a page for it.

But that’s not the point of this post.

This post is about the miserably uneducated risks I’m thinking about taking, not the substantively life-altering ones I’ll list at another time.  It’s about the things for which I’m likely to make the local news or become a YouTubular sensation.  These are things equivalent to Bush writing a book and Hanks and Ackroyd rapping.

I’ve got a few ideas to start with.  I may come back throughout the day and add more.  Certainly, feel free to suggest some dumbass stuff for me to do.  Even if we’ve never met or you have no idea what I look like.  Think about it: it makes the risk even more ridiculous if it’s not even specially tailored for me.

I’ll get us started.

1. Start a boy band. But we won’t sing, at least not with our voices.  We will sing with our pelvises.  We will lip sync to songs by other actual boy bands of TRL fame while we perform our feature talent: lap dances for ladies.  We will be America’s Best Lap-Dance Crew.  Doubt me?  There is already video footage of a trial run of this.  And yes: we had been drinking.

2. Braids a/o cornrows. I have tried this before.  I even, anti-triumphantly, allowed this to be captured as my NJ driver’s license photo at one point.  This was a disaster.  Me with braids is the very definition of “living beyond one’s means.”  I am not built for braids.  And I have empirical proof.  I looked like a dummy and the 8 hour process felt like raw, no-anesthesia, neurosurgery.  Therefore, doing it again would be colossally moronic.

3. …?


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